(low quality photo with my high quality girl)
I’ve been a little bogged down lately.
Not because of COVID19 or the quarantine.
I’ve been bogged down by my own head.
Anyone else every get that way?
The day I was laid off I handled it really well. I was kind and made a graceful exit.
The next week I was mad.
The next a little sad.
But the funny thing is, I was getting ready to leave anyway. Colton and I had talked and I had accepted a work from home position so I could be home with Arlynn.
So why was I feeling all those things.
I’ve been thinking about it a lot this past week. I’ve reflected on it and prayed about it.
Truth be told, I still don’t know why it felt like such a big deal, and I may never understand that.
I’ve always been an organized person. I live life by my calendar and I’m not a big fan of changes in routine. So going from being a full time employee and full time mom to stay at home mom with her husband working from home was a little bit of a shock to the system.
You see before it was just me and Arlynn on my days off. (and the days I just left work because the heartache of being away from her was just too much for this mama to bear.)
We had a routine.
On Mondays we cleaned up and spent the day getting the week organized. Swim lessons at 5:15.
Tuesdays were story time and then lunch with the girls.
Wednesdays were a walk around the block and YouTube marathon.
Thursdays were grocery day and baby food making.
Fridays were the lazy day full of snuggles and kisses.
The past few weeks it feels like there is no routine.
Try as I might, each day is a new routine with new items.
I’m sure as you’re reading this you’re thinking, “where is she going with this?”
And honestly, I’m not really sure.
I haven’t felt much like writing this week, despite the months worth of posts I have written out in my planner, nothing really felt right.
So I took this week and ran with the chaotic, no routine days.
The first part of the week was ROUGH.
I was grumpy, Arlynn was grumpy, and poor Colton was stuck at home with the two of us.
But yesterday and today were AMAZING.
There hasn’t been a routine and there have been AMAZING.
I didn’t type that twice for you, I did it to remind myself that even though I want to be in control of everything, there is beauty and joy in the chaos.
I’m learning to enjoy the messiness of an unplanned day.
I’m learning that it’s okay to just not do anything and give yourself a break.
I needed that this week.
How are you coping with this “new normal?”
If you ever feel crazy or alone, know you aren’t.
Know that in all this chaos there is always someone there.
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